If you're a mom of all girls or a mom of all boys, I can only assume you get the same gasp and pitiful head tilt I get when someone learns you have all boys or girls... I'm just going to go with boys for the sake of this post having a better flow :) ... It's annoying.. Like, I can kind of see where they're coming from, but come on.. I love all my kids, so what's with this feeling sorry for me BS?
Or am I looking at it wrong? Are these well-meaning people seriously feeling pity for me because I have four boys or are they simply showing their sympathy for the fact that I'll never have a daughter?
I went through a deep depression during my fourth and final pregnancy. We knew this was going to be our last baby (we thought our third was our last, but we decided we needed just oooone more :) ). There were a lot of personal things happening at the time and to top it off, we went to our ultrasound and found out we were having Baby Boy #4.
I know what you're thinking... "What a BITCH!" I promise I'm not.. Well, I am.. But not in this case..
Hear me out..
I was never, ever, ever, EVER upset that I was having another boy! EVER! The thought of having another little man in my life was beyond thrilling for me! I was going to have a fourth son.. A fifth man in my house to love me.. Another little boy to grab my cheeks with his hands and plant a sticky, goober-ey kiss on my lips.. Not to mention the fact that I now knew I was going to be Queen of my house forever!
Being upset with the fact that I wasn't having a girl is completely different than being upset with the fact that I was having a boy.
That totally makes sense. I swear. Read it again.. "Being upset with the fact that I wasn't having a girl is completely different than being upset with the fact that I was having a boy."
Again.. I was NEVER upset I was having a boy.. I REALLY want to make sure this is understood!
It's just.. Suddenly all the daydreams I'd had about my daughter were completely shattered. I had just lost the daughter I'd never have; the idea of her. All the time I'd spent imagining my life with my daughter was for nothing. I'd envisioned Lola Kay and her dark blonde curls and giant blue eyes like her brothers'. We'd go get pedicures together when she was three... I'd roll my eyes at my husband when he'd give in to her unfathomable cuteness... She'd get the last cookie because her brothers would be head-over-heels for her. There were so many things I thought I'd experience during my time as a mother that simply weren't going to happen now.
It took months for me to not have that ache of the daughter I'll never have creep up on a daily basis. A door that had been wide open my whole life had just been slammed shut and it took me some time to wrap my mind around that.. I still miss her some days.. Lola will always be my daydream; that's what makes her special.